My. Kids. Are. Driving. Me. Insane.

This summer has been the longest and hardest summer of my life. I am so done. Can school start already?! I’m sure some of you are thinking “Your kids are only young once and you should cherish every second of this…blah blah blah.” 

Shut the hell up. 

Seriously keep that shit to yourself. I am beyond exhausted. I haven’t had an ounce of what I consider a break. My “breaks” consist of an occasional grocery store trip alone and the occasional hair appointment. Oh, and that one sushi date with Melissa. Other than that, my kids have been attached to my fucking hip ALL SUMMER LONG. I am psychotic at this point. I am annoyed and just want to lay on the couch and Netflix binge. I mean I have an entire season of Bloodline I am dying to watch!!!! 

I have spent the entire summer juggling the business schedule, doing laundry, micromanaging, learning about gluten/food allergies…and cooking nonstop. Oh! But don’t forget all the damn dishes!!

I’m so envious of all the pictures of people doing fun stuff this summer. I haven’t done a damn thing. I am officially a hermit. Mostly because it’s a lot easier than anything else. I am so paranoid about food and another ER trip that it’s best I keep my hippy ass at home. I have become so weird and “granola” like that I even stopped wearing deodorant for a bit….don’t ask. 

The more I open my eyes to our food and disease, the weirder I get. I don’t care. I am super weird, so what?! 

Today while I was taking a much needed shower, Chloe got into my makeup, took my most expensive makeup brush, and cleaned the toilet with it. I dropped a couple F Bombs that I am not proud of, but that shit is expensive!!!

Then I had to drag both of them to the bank, post office, and Sprouts for my next 5 days of food. That. Was. A. Total. Shit. Show. 

I love the judgmental hipsters at Sprouts who are on some sort of fad “gluten free diet” and weigh a total of 110 anorexic pounds….All the while glaring at my kids running a muck through this tiny organic section. 

Screw you Hangry Skank!  You have no idea what battle I have. I guess you just want to be hot and pumped full of Botox and Silicone?! See what assumptions do! I get it. We all do, but don’t glare at me when I have no other option about groceries and kids. 

I am counting down the days until school starts. I need to go back to a routine and only cooking one major meal a day. Poor Connor told me that he was excited for school only because he can eat gluten filled food again. I don’t blame him, but looking forward to school lunch is pretty sad. What a great fucking summer, dude. Sorry! 

I have started getting a workout routine back in action and that helps my irritation level so much, but I still need a break!! My workouts consist of me jumping around in my master bedroom doing beach body workouts and threatening my kids to behave so I can finish at least 30 minutes. 

I honestly don’t know any other mom that spends THIS much time with their kids. I’m not bragging, this is not healthy. I am so sick of them. 

I need a date night with my hubby so bad, but neither of us dare leave Chloe with anyone! This food challenge is too fresh for us. The last thing I want is the 7 weeks of healing to go to shit because we wanted a night alone. We will deal, as usual. 

I love my kids more than anything, but I would also love a moment of sanity. Buying food and hair maintenance isn’t enough of a break.  

And please don’t offer to babysit because that would require an awkward conversation that I don’t want to engage in. Unless you are Kelly, she can watch my kids, but I would never ask her to.  

I am just venting. Sometimes just getting this all out makes me feel better. Once I write it, I feel like I’ve conquered it. So maybe writing this will align the stars and I will let my guard down to have a date night. We will see! 🤞🏻

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