I’ve been talking so much about gut health that I think it’s very important to talk about gut instinct. This is a tricky instinct that I have had to master over and over again. Every single time I don’t listen to my gut, I am mad that I ever questioned my instinct. It is always right.
I feel I’ve become a very intuitive person. I am wise beyond my years, but only because life has given me a fair amount of challenges for only being 33.
By the time I graduated high school, I had lost 2 siblings, my Aunt Pam(who I shared a birthday with) and two of my grandparents who were my next door neighbors. Not to mention my parents horrific divorce.
At 18, I was a total mess. I was so lost and confused about so many things that I chose a hard path for myself. I made a lot of really stupid mistakes that no one had to pay for but me. I went to college only to escape my parents and party. I picked up smoking and a series of horrible boyfriends. By the time I was 20, I had a record. Not something I am proud of.
But now, as I have matured and grown so much as a human, I don’t beat myself up for all of those mistakes. Because that’s what they were. Mistakes. Mistakes that I had to learn and grow from. I now have such a great understanding for stupid teenagers that I will be there for my kids when they do the same stupid shit. I hope they don’t, but that’s not my decision, it is theirs.
At least I know Chloe won’t ever drink beer!
But from all of the dumb things I have done and the bad people I encountered, I have learned greatly about people. At this point in my life, I can spend an hour with someone and know their true intentions. You can’t bullshit me. I’ve seen it, done it, and walked away from it. I have had people steal from me, use me, take advantage of my kindness, and so much more.
Which brings me back to gut instinct.
Now, I am so much smarter! I am so much stronger. I have no problem telling anyone to fuck off if they deserve it. Don’t get me wrong, I am super nice until you wrong me, then watch out.
Moving to Arizona helped me achieve this strength. I would sweep my feelings under the rug and internalize everything. Now, I let that shit out anytime I can. It’s not good for me to hold everything in.
The people in Arizona are much different than the people in Idaho and Utah. Mostly because of the Mormon populations. Arizona is such a melting pot of people which is a good and bad thing. Growing up Mormon, I was taught to be polite and not speak up. Sweep everything under the rug and pretend I was perfect. I am not knocking the church, just expressing my views, so please don’t send me a message asking me to pray or something. This is MY personal feelings, not yours. Start your own blog if you don’t want to hear this.
Anyways, I have been put in hard situations with people who I thought I could trust and people who were supposed to be the ones there for me. I have had to learn to stand up for myself and stop being disrespected. This has not been easy, especially when it comes to family, friends, or even employees, but I refuse to be taken advantage of by one more person. You may think I’m a total bitch or you may think I am a “lost soul” but I can assure you, I am neither. I am exactly who I want to be and I have no problem being myself. I hope my kids develop this same inner strength that I have without all of the heartache and disappointment I have endured. I hope my wisdom will carry on long after I am gone.
This gut instinct and wisdom came handy with this situation with Chloe. I knew deep down that something was seriously wrong with her. Even after 4 different pediatricians told me she was just fine. I lost so much sleep worrying about her. After so many doctors visits, UTI’s, bowel clean outs, laxative drugs, failure to grow, etc. How can this be normal?! It was not!!!!! I stumbled upon a post on my Miralax group this morning that made my heart sink. I’ve often wondered what her life would’ve been like if I continued to ignore my gut and keep giving her Miralax to make her poop. This post gave me my answer.
If that doesn’t make your heart sink, then you have no soul. I almost cried for this mom. This is what I would’ve had to deal with if I didn’t stand up for my daughter and say “NO. Something is seriously wrong with her!” I am so thankful for every challenge that has been put my way so I am able to say NO! This is not ok!! People need information about this horrible drug that is taking normal children and making them horrifically ill. I am so thankful I found this group and took the necessary steps to heal her. I feel like I have gained so much by trusting my gut. Never ignore that sick feeling deep inside that tells you something is off.
I know I never will again.