Sorry I have not been updating like I usually do. My husband had a couple days off this week and we have taken full advantage of relaxation. We had a lot of paperwork and other tedious things to get done around the house and for the business. So instead of going camping like we originally planned, we just had a mini stay-cation at home. It was so needed. I ended up taking a nap 2 days in a row! Which felt like pure heaven to me. My life has been so hard and stressful that 2 naps mean the world to me. Yes. I am that lame. We also laid around yesterday and watched Homestead Rescue and Planet of the Apes movies. I realize that this seems like no big time to normal people, but with the summer we have had, this felt like a vacation. I even told Darren yesterday that most people get to do what we did every weekend. We laughed. This is literally the first two days in a row all summer that we did not have major things to handle. Every day Darren has had off this summer has been spent taking care of something else. Trucks, trailers, washing machine, tires, etc. And I have been stuck at home with two kids who are stir crazy and hungry. We have been beyond stressed. It was like nervous breakdown status.
Now that Chloe is thriving and doing so much better, our stress level has decreased. Now that we have kind of figured out what to eat and have it all planned out, our stress level is down. I can’t believe it has already been 6 weeks with these changes. We have finally got a hang of this! We have learned all of the hidden gluten words and found our ways around corn and dairy. We plan our meals 4-5 days out and stick to the plan. Connor is missing his garbage food, but the rest of us are doing great with this. I have updated all of my condiments, spices, flours, sugars, and all other baking products. Baking still freaks me out and I suck at it. I feel like that one will be the hardest battle. I have learned how to cook brown rice like nobody’s business and I am a HUGE fan of Avocado Oil. Everyday we are getting Chloe to eat more fruits. This has been a big struggle for us. She is feeling better and looking healthier daily. I ask her every day “Is Chloe feeling good today?” In which she responds “Mommy, I feel SO GOOD! You’re the best!” Then I cry. Not always, but yeah…it happens. I am so relieved to see her happy and healthy. She giggles again! I can’t tell you how long it has been since she has had a giggle fit. I had no idea that healthy food would change her personality so much.
She is talking so much better after getting off Miralax. Her vocabulary was very slurred and was hard to understand. Now, we know what she is saying. She is a smart cookie, we just had no idea what she was saying before. I bought some flashcards at Target a little while ago that have the alphabet, animals, shapes, numbers, and colors on them. We work on them every day and each day she does better. I love having my 2 year old tell me the shape is a hexagon. No, I don’t expect her to be a genius and no I am not trying to brag about my kid- well maybe, but I am just so happy to see her learning!!! She was not doing any of this 2 months ago. She would get mad and tell me to go away if I asked her what a circle was. So this dramatic change has been crazy to me. I have had a lot of parents in my Miralax group whose kids were on Miralax the same amount of time (or more) as Chloe and their long term side effects are frightening. Most of these kids have developed a sensory processing disorder, epilepsy, PANDAS syndrome, learning disabilities, anxiety, OCD, Lyme Disease and so on. These were the most frightening to me. I have to be prepared for the future and if these things are going to happen to Chloe. I have read into the symptoms of all of these so I can be prepared if I start seeing them arise. I will not know most of this until she starts school. I am sickened and worried about the future, but I know she will be ok. I now I am glad that God gave me this challenge. I am going to do whatever I can to heal her and learn how to help her anyway I can.
I sometimes compare my situation to other people and wonder how they would handle it or even IF THEY COULD HANDLE IT. We all compare ourselves to others, don’t kid yourself. I know God gave me this challenge because he knew I could do this. He knew I could take on a kid that is going to have one hell of a hard life. She already has at 2 years old!!! The one thing I have learned the past few months is that I am way stronger than I realized. My best friend has listened to me be frightened, hurt, scared, heart racing at 130 while I stood in my kitchen, she has watched me shake and cry…and basically be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She even told me yesterday that there were multiple days she was worried that today was the day I was going to break. No one knows all of the crap I have been through except her. For her to be honest enough to tell me that is amazing. She didn’t tell me this until she knew I was okay either. Having her support and her honesty to tell me that she thought I was going to break, makes me feel amazing. I feel amazing because I DID NOT BREAK. I did not allow myself to have the pity party I deserved and wallow in my grief. I put my big girl panties on and dealt with the shit pile I was given. This is why I know we will be okay.
God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.