New Goals

Since Chloe is healing and getting better every day. I have decided I need to make new goals to keep us on this healthy path. I am going to incorporate one new meal every week. We are sooooo bored with food. We need some variety. We tried homemade sweet and spicy chicken that was bomb!! It will definitely make the rotation. Seriously, it was better than the orange chicken from Panda Express and it was healthy! Win, win! 

I haven’t found a good barbecue sauce that doesn’t have corn starch so I’ve decided I need to start making my own. Pinterest is amazing for these kind of things. I’ve found so many gluten free/dairy free/corn free/paleo recipes to try and since my hubby is a master chef, he can help me. I get too wound up and stressed when I try to make new stuff on my own. 

I feel like we are going to master this new diet. Scratch that. Lifestyle. We are never going back to where we were. We all feel and look so much better, why would go back? Especially if that means diarrhea. Gross. 

I am also in the process of removing more toxins from my home. I am slowly getting rid of plastic everything. (Well, except toys.) Tupper ware, dishes, cups, water bottles, cooking utensils, etc. I want as little cancer causing items in my house. This one will take some time. I used to buy all of my cooking utensils from Walmart (because I’m cheap) and now I realize I need everything to be stainless steel or glass. I will get there. I’m just trying not to overwhelm myself. 

Chloe is a great helper! 

Download the Think Dirty App- it’s free, and you scan products in your house and see the toxic levels of things. 1 is the least toxic, 10 is the highest level of toxicity. First thing I scanned was my Paul Mitchell hairspray. It got a 9. Shit! I’ve been using this hairspray for 20 years. Oops. I still have so much to learn. However, I have already replaced our shampoos, body soap, hand soap, and a slew of other toxic items. I am blown away at so many things we buy that are full of cancer. Yuck. No wonder why 1 in 2 people will get cancer in their lifetime now. It’s disgusting how many things are toxic to our well being and are approved by the FDA for a chunk of change. I am disgusted. 

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Time for a check up! 

We had our two month check up today and it went better than expected. It’s been such a roller coaster these last couple of months, so I had no idea what to expect. Well, I was pleasantly surprised!! Her organs are functioning much better. We still need to work on the liver and gall bladder so we talked about raw pickles that she will most likely eat. I’m more than excited make some of these! I love me some pickles! Like it’s a legit obsession. Same with Chloe. Anyways, enough about pickles…Then we did more testing and he found NO sensitivities showing. Which means she hasn’t ingested or been exposed to any gluten, corn, or dairy.  We are still not introducing any of them back into her diet and he doesn’t recommend it either….Well, gluten will never be back in our diets, but it also means we’ve most likely healed her gut!!!  This is huge!!  If you look into healing the leaky gut, it is not a simple process. He was very impressed with how serious I’ve taken this. (But he also doesn’t understand how big of a freak I am and how much I invest into something I feel is important, especially my daughter’s health.) He told me he is so passionate about helping kids  because he loves stories like Chloe’s. Kids are so resiliant and can recover so much quicker than an adult from this damage. She has gained 1.3 pounds this past month. That’s also HUGE!

He told me word for word that I have saved my daughter from a lifetime of more problems. I almost cried. Making these changes for my family has been the best thing for us. I have struggled so much wondering about the Miralax damage and side effects. I have beat myself up more than anyone else could ever do, so hearing this from a doctor who truly helped us, made me feel like a rockstar!

We also chatted about food and how eye opening this has been for me. People do not realize how awful some of this crap is. I never did! But now I will never change! This is something we needed to learn and go through, I honestly feel that way.

We also talked about her overall appearance and how much that has changed. He mentioned the biggest change was her eyes. I happen to agree. 

Things went so well in fact that we didn’t even need to reschedule. He told me to call if I needed anything, but to keep up the good work and call him in a year to retest. This is the best day ever. 💗💗💗

No going back for the Kidd family. We are changed for the better.

Jack is Whack.

Gosh, I should’ve waited on my last post because shit got way worse. Literally. 

Right around 3 hours after I ate Jack in the Box, I had to take a trip to Sprouts and get my next 5 days of food. I get in the car to go and make it about 1.5 miles before my guts went crazy. I knew I was going to have explosive diarrhea. I debated on making it to Sprouts, but I wanted the comfort of my own home. I flipped a U turn and barely made it back to my house. I was not about to shit myself in a white sundress. 

I ran inside and looked at my confused husband who just starts laughing as I tell him I’m about to explode. In which he responds “Was Jack in the Box worth it?” And I yell “HELL NO!” As I am dying in the bathroom. I am so mad I did this to myself. I will NEVER eat Jack in the Box again. It was agonizing gut pain for the entire day after that. All because of 4 stupid tacos. What in the hell is in those processed shit storms?! I actually had to take Tums to not die.

Luckily, I survived the agonizing gut pain and made it another day. I had a big day planned yesterday so I needed to feel better. I woke up and made myself an omelette with red onion, cilantro, avocado, and tomato. I finally felt better. It took almost an entire day to feel better after 4 tacos. I can not believe how bad that food is. I can not believe how bad I was feeling while I was eating it all the time and still functioned. I’m so glad we changed!! Beyond glad!!  To see the giant difference in us all has been so eye opening for me. I’ve had a racing heart way too often and the other day as I was about to begin my workout, my heart rate was at 65! My heart has been doing crazy shit lately and in May I was just trying to keep it under 100. Yeah, that’s a big fucking difference! My friends were legit worried I was going to have a heart attack, I was too. I even called my doctor to get on heart meds and she didn’t have an appointment for 3 weeks. I called the same week we found out about Chloe and by the time my appointment came around, I cancelled it. I wasn’t having the palpitations or racing heart anymore. All because of three weeks of significant diet changes. 

It’s hard as hell to do this, like severely hard to do it 100% of the time, but it’s more than worth it!!  I can’t believe the changes we’ve seen and now I can not eat garbage. Like ever. I will do a million dishes rather than have explosive shits any day. 

After I felt better today, I got a very much needed break. Thank you Jesus! No, unfortunately the stars didn’t align enough for a date night with the hubsters, but it did align a girls night out with Brandee and Dana. (We missed you Viviana!) I had a hair appointment at 2:30 and when I was done, it was girl time. Boy, did we all need it! It took 3 weeks of planning for us mamas to get together! We went to sushi and had such good conversations! Sometimes that’s all you need! Girl time with people who get ya. 💗

Now, its back to reality and back to clean eating. Sushi (and sake) did not make me sick at all, but let’s face it. Sushi is pretty healthy. Jack in the Box is a chemical shit storm. As I drive down the road now, I look at all the fast food restaurants that make it so easy for us to eat garbage all the time. You don’t have to get out of your car or cook and you definitely don’t have dishes. That is very appealing, but agonizing gut pain is not. 

I’m glad I got this sick, it helped me remember how bad this food is. I’m glad I’m having so many of you reach out to me and ask questions or advice! I’m more than happy to help anyone who wants to make these changes! Kelly held my hand through all of this and I will be forever grateful for her. I will gladly pass on my knowledge, just ask. 

Jack in the Crack

Sometimes these cravings will get to ya! Food is so addicting! I woke up today a little hungover and with brutal PMS cramps. This combo always brings me to greasy fast food. Darren got up early and started getting things done. I looked at him with the face I always make when I want something. He got my sign and said “What do you want to eat?” I got giddy. Jack in the Box was on my brain. Those tacos though!!! So, I got in my car and drove to Jack. The whole time I had major guilt. The last bad meal I had was sushi. It’s been almost 2 months since we started this and I have had like 3 slip ups. 

I get myself 4 tacos and Darren a breakfast sandwich. I came home feeling like I just bought a bag of crack. Seriously think about it! I knew it was bad for me, but I still craved it, still sought it out, still bought it, and still consumed it. If you don’t think you’re addicted to gluten or any other food, then ask yourself to cut it out. 100% That’s when your eyes open! I have had so many people tell me that they couldn’t do this or live this way because they love food. I get it. I totally do! But that tells me you’re addicted to the shit. I was salivating pulling the taco to my face. I was hooked. I sat in my kitchen and devoured all 4 tacos before I could talk myself out of it. Yep. I’m addicted too.

As soon as I finished eating, I started paying close attention to how I feel. I immediately felt my heart rate increase and I began feeling anxious for absolutely no reason. Why am I panicky all of a sudden? I feel overwhelmed like the walls are closing in. I haven’t felt this way in a long damn time. I don’t like it! This is 100% my food. I went from mellow fellow to antsy Nancy immediately.

I hate anxiety so much. I’m so mad I just fed it to myself. 

It’s only been 45 minutes since I ate the tacos and I already regret every second of it.  My sinuses are now killing me even though I haven’t had an ounce of pain in months. These stupid cravings are so not worth the aftermath. Now I have heartburn and bubble guts. What in the fuck was I thinking?!

Such a bad idea. I guess I needed a reminder of why we don’t eat this way anymore. Duly noted. Thanks Jack.

The most painful day of my life.

On August 12th, 2014 I woke up sicker than a dog. Being pregnant, this was pretty common for me. I did not have easy pregnancies at all. When I was pregnant with Connor, I had every symptom in the book. I barfed every single day for the first 20 weeks. It was pure hell. Then at 34 weeks, I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and put on bed rest until he was delivered at 37 weeks. The VERY first day he was considered full term. I was in the hospital at least 3 times a week between weeks 34 and 37 doing numerous non stress tests and checking my urine for protein. Finally, my protein count hit 600. Anything over 300 is considered preeclamptic. I doubled that shit. Kidneys were starting to shut down and it was delivery time. I was so swollen and miserable that I didn’t care-except it was Christmas!! Yes, my first baby was induced on Christmas Day. The pitocin did nothing and after 28 hours of no dilation, it was C-Section time. Connor was born at 9:38 pm on December 26th. After delivery, my preeclampsia did not go away immediately like it should have. I had symptoms for 6 following weeks and was put on blood pressure meds for 3 months. 

This was my EASY pregnancy!!!!

My doctor highly suggested I wait at least 5 years to have another kid if I chose to because my heart needed a long break. Yikes. That scared me, especially because my Aunt Pam died from heart complications 10 days after she gave birth.

So, when I found out I was pregnant with Chloe(completely unplanned,) I was terrified! Connor had just turned 4 so that was a good thing, but I was still terrified I would get preeclampsia again and die. Yes, this was a legit fear. 

Chloe’s pregnancy was a breeze at first. I barfed a lot still, but nothing like the morning sickness with Connor. Second trimester hit and things got weird. Even weirder because you’re supposed to feel good second trimester. I wasn’t barfing, but I was sick.all.the.time. I couldn’t eat anything! No sugar, no broccoli, no greasy food, no pickles, and everything I did eat, made my guts hurt so bad. Like agonizing pain. My birthday hit and Brandee was so mad she couldn’t make me a cake! I didn’t even want it. I remember eating Salt & Vinegar Pringles and drinking Sprite. That’s all I could handle. I talked to my OB about all of this and we both chalked it up as pregnancy problems. 

Third trimester hit and I was feeling better again. The night of August 11th, Darren, Connor and I went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. I had fish tacos and a Sprite. We went home and I ate a bowl of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and went to bed. (Yes, I remember my food from 3 years ago.) 

I woke up at 4 am the next day feeling so off. I puked, I had diarrhea, and I couldn’t even lay on my right side because of the pain. I was in pure agony for 4 hours before I woke Darren up. I knew I had to go to the hospital. I didn’t know if it was baby issues or something else, but I wasn’t about to chance it. Especially after my fears from Connor’s pregnancy. 

Anyways, we load up Connor and take him to Aunt Bobi’s. Her house is on the way to the hospital so this was convenient. The whole time my gut instinct told me it was my appendix. See! Listen to that gut people!! 

We get to the hospital and I walk up to the ER front desk and tell the lady that I’m pretty sure I have an appendicitis. She looks at my 32 week pregnant belly and sends me up to Labor and Delivery. ER folks are terrified of pregnant bitches. 

Darren and I make our way up to L & D to start tests and ultra sounds. After 4 hours of no diagnosis, they send me back down to the ER. Front desk lady should’ve listened to me! She was quite embarassed to see me again. 

So after more ultra sounds and no luck of seeing my appendix(hello! I have a 32 week baby in front of your view!) The ER doctor decided we could do a CT scan or MRI. The doctor told me the risks of radiation with the CT Scan and I didn’t want to hurt my baby, so I opted for the MRI. He then hesitated and said if it wasn’t my appendix, then the insurance company wouldn’t pay…so how much pain was I really in? Yes, the fucker actually asked me that. Sorry doc that I wasn’t being a giant drama queen and freaking out, I was trying to remain calm. I had already had multiple contractions upstairs in L & D and my OB was worried about me. So I was trying to be mellow, plus they’d already given me some morphine. 

So I got bitchy and said order the damn MRI. It is my fucking appendix!! Plus, this is like 3 pm, I had been at the hospital since 8:30 am (with no food) and still no answers. 

By the way, if you’ve never had an MRI, it’s pure hell. Especially if you’re claustrophobic, fat, and 32 weeks pregnant. Just picture that. So I waddle my fat ass into the tube and wait for the commands over the ear phones. The MRI was of my abdomen and whenever they had to take a picture, I had to hold my breath until the beep. Ok, I am like 190 pounds at this point, I am terrified in tight spaces and now I have to hold my breath for an extended period of time over and over again! Agghhhh! 

I’ve never been so relieved to be done with something as I was with the MRI. I get out and I am dripping sweat. The tech was so surprised because the room was freezing. Ha. Don’t underestimate me. 

They gave me the picture of Chloe from this. Pretty cool to see.

She still crosses her legs like this.

After the MRI, I go back to my ER room and wait. It’s like 4:30 pm at this point. Doctor comes back in and tells me that I really do have an appendicitis and that they are waiting to find a surgeon who will actually operate on me. Wait, what? Why don’t you have a surgeon to do this?! Because ER people are scared of pregnant people! They don’t like having two lives at risk. 

So, finally they find a doctor (whose name is Jameson by the way-my favorite whiskey,) and we go into surgery around 7:30 pm. My OB stayed after her last C- Section and assisted in the surgery. I’ve never been so grateful for a doctor. She was my rock throughout all of this. She kept me calm and helped me with the pain and contractions. Darren was not allowed in the surgery room so that sucked. 

I go into the surgery room and get prepped. The anesthesiologist goes over my options with me and we decide to keep me awake. Me going under anesthesia would’ve been really risky for Chloe. So instead, we do a spinal-which is basically an epidural. He misses. 3 fucking times. Finally he gets the needle in and I go numb. They gave me a wonderful cocktail that made me happy as can be. I have no idea what was in it, but I would be addicted if I had access to it. 

This is where it gets wild! I get prepped and the room is FULL of people! I think I counted 15, but I was drugged, so who knows. I am talking surgeons, techs, nurses, anesthesiologist, my OB, and a full on pediatric team there just in case they nicked my uterus and had to deliver Chloe. Gosh, even writing this 3 years later is making me sweat from anxiety. Anyways, here I am, wide awake and getting cut open. I’ve already had a C-Section so I am prepared, but I was not prepared to be in surgery for 2 hours in this room with strangers. This is why I love my OB so much!! She didn’t need to be there, but she stayed. Thank you Dr. Rana, you are a godsend!! She actually stood on a stool and held my uterus out of the way for my surgeon because where my appendix was located, was right by Chloe’s head. Yikes. I didn’t know this until later. 

So, the surgery was a success and they moved me back to Labor and Delivery around 10:30 pm to recover. They gave me magnesium to stop my contractions and a shit ton of antibiotics. The contractions were happening every 4 minutes now and I just had surgery on my guts. Imagine that! I’ve never been in more pain in my entire life. Darren was just in full on shock at this point and didn’t know what to do. This was the worst night of my life. Hands down. Honestly, if I can make it through a day like that, I can make it through anything. 

I was in the hospital for the next 3 days controlling contractions and monitoring this crazy surgery. So.Much.Pain. Imagine an open wound and a baby in there kicking it. Nonstop. It was so painful. 

I was at the worst possible time in my pregnancy to get an appendicitis. If you have one before 26 weeks, you can have a way less invasive surgery….Or if you are past 36 weeks, then they would’ve delivered the baby all at once. So of course this is worst time and most invasive way to fix me. My life works that way. They had to cut through my abdominal muscles diagonally to get in there. I am still having pain and complications from this. Yes, 3 years later, it still hurts. 

I was kind of a celebrity at the hospital for the next few weeks. Everyone knew who I was. 

I managed the next 5 weeks of my pregnancy at home and in a recliner. I watched the entire series of Scandal so that was cool. Darren’s family was amazing and helped so much with Connor. I could not mom at that point. I even hired house cleaners because I was so immobile. I was prescribed Percocet and stuck to one or less every day. I tried so hard not to take them, but my doctor told me the pain was harder on the baby than the meds. I can only imagine what all of this did to Chloe. 

So, I was at my OB every week until I had developed preeclampsia again at week 35. Yep. So then we kept me pregnant for 2 more weeks until I was spilling enough protein to deliver Chloe at 37 weeks on the dot. Another baby born the first official day considered as full term. 

I tied my tubes with Chloe’s C-Section. I am DONE making babies!!!! 

So as I write this and reminisce on where I was 3 years ago, I should’ve known my daughter would develop some sort of an intestinal issue. I think it was inevitable. 

But I am telling you, Chloe and mom are rockstars!! We are going to have one special bond because of all of this! 

My. Kids. Are. Driving. Me. Insane.

This summer has been the longest and hardest summer of my life. I am so done. Can school start already?! I’m sure some of you are thinking “Your kids are only young once and you should cherish every second of this…blah blah blah.” 

Shut the hell up. 

Seriously keep that shit to yourself. I am beyond exhausted. I haven’t had an ounce of what I consider a break. My “breaks” consist of an occasional grocery store trip alone and the occasional hair appointment. Oh, and that one sushi date with Melissa. Other than that, my kids have been attached to my fucking hip ALL SUMMER LONG. I am psychotic at this point. I am annoyed and just want to lay on the couch and Netflix binge. I mean I have an entire season of Bloodline I am dying to watch!!!! 

I have spent the entire summer juggling the business schedule, doing laundry, micromanaging, learning about gluten/food allergies…and cooking nonstop. Oh! But don’t forget all the damn dishes!!

I’m so envious of all the pictures of people doing fun stuff this summer. I haven’t done a damn thing. I am officially a hermit. Mostly because it’s a lot easier than anything else. I am so paranoid about food and another ER trip that it’s best I keep my hippy ass at home. I have become so weird and “granola” like that I even stopped wearing deodorant for a bit….don’t ask. 

The more I open my eyes to our food and disease, the weirder I get. I don’t care. I am super weird, so what?! 

Today while I was taking a much needed shower, Chloe got into my makeup, took my most expensive makeup brush, and cleaned the toilet with it. I dropped a couple F Bombs that I am not proud of, but that shit is expensive!!!

Then I had to drag both of them to the bank, post office, and Sprouts for my next 5 days of food. That. Was. A. Total. Shit. Show. 

I love the judgmental hipsters at Sprouts who are on some sort of fad “gluten free diet” and weigh a total of 110 anorexic pounds….All the while glaring at my kids running a muck through this tiny organic section. 

Screw you Hangry Skank!  You have no idea what battle I have. I guess you just want to be hot and pumped full of Botox and Silicone?! See what assumptions do! I get it. We all do, but don’t glare at me when I have no other option about groceries and kids. 

I am counting down the days until school starts. I need to go back to a routine and only cooking one major meal a day. Poor Connor told me that he was excited for school only because he can eat gluten filled food again. I don’t blame him, but looking forward to school lunch is pretty sad. What a great fucking summer, dude. Sorry! 

I have started getting a workout routine back in action and that helps my irritation level so much, but I still need a break!! My workouts consist of me jumping around in my master bedroom doing beach body workouts and threatening my kids to behave so I can finish at least 30 minutes. 

I honestly don’t know any other mom that spends THIS much time with their kids. I’m not bragging, this is not healthy. I am so sick of them. 

I need a date night with my hubby so bad, but neither of us dare leave Chloe with anyone! This food challenge is too fresh for us. The last thing I want is the 7 weeks of healing to go to shit because we wanted a night alone. We will deal, as usual. 

I love my kids more than anything, but I would also love a moment of sanity. Buying food and hair maintenance isn’t enough of a break.  

And please don’t offer to babysit because that would require an awkward conversation that I don’t want to engage in. Unless you are Kelly, she can watch my kids, but I would never ask her to.  

I am just venting. Sometimes just getting this all out makes me feel better. Once I write it, I feel like I’ve conquered it. So maybe writing this will align the stars and I will let my guard down to have a date night. We will see! 🤞🏻

Trust your Gut

I’ve been talking so much about gut health that I think it’s very important to talk about gut instinct. This is a tricky instinct that I have had to master over and over again. Every single time I don’t listen to my gut, I am mad that I ever questioned my instinct. It is always right. 

I feel I’ve become a very intuitive person. I am wise beyond my years, but only because life has given me a fair amount of challenges for only being 33. 

By the time I graduated high school, I had lost 2 siblings, my Aunt Pam(who I shared a birthday with) and two of my grandparents who were my next door neighbors. Not to mention my parents horrific divorce. 

At 18, I was a total mess. I was so lost and confused about so many things that I chose a hard path for myself. I made a lot of really stupid mistakes that no one had to pay for but me. I went to college only to escape my parents and party. I picked up smoking and a series of horrible boyfriends.  By the time I was 20, I had a record. Not something I am proud of. 

But now, as I have matured and grown so much as a human, I don’t beat myself up for all of those mistakes. Because that’s what they were. Mistakes. Mistakes that I had to learn and grow from. I now have such a great understanding for stupid teenagers that I will be there for my kids when they do the same stupid shit. I hope they don’t, but that’s not my decision, it is theirs. 

At least I know Chloe won’t ever drink beer! 

But from all of the dumb things I have done and the bad people I encountered, I have learned greatly about people. At this point in my life, I can spend an hour with someone and know their true intentions. You can’t bullshit me. I’ve seen it, done it, and walked away from it. I have had people steal from me, use me, take advantage of my kindness, and so much more. 

Which brings me back to gut instinct. 

Now, I am so much smarter! I am so much stronger. I have no problem telling anyone to fuck off if they deserve it. Don’t get me wrong, I am super nice until you wrong me, then watch out. 

Moving to Arizona helped me achieve this strength. I would sweep my feelings under the rug and internalize everything. Now, I let that shit out anytime I can. It’s not good for me to hold everything in. 

The people in Arizona are much different than the people in Idaho and Utah. Mostly because of the Mormon populations. Arizona is such a melting pot of people which is a good and bad thing. Growing up Mormon, I was taught to be polite and not speak up. Sweep everything under the rug and pretend I was perfect. I am not knocking the church, just expressing my views, so please don’t send me a message asking me to pray or something. This is MY personal feelings, not yours. Start your own blog if you don’t want to hear this. 

Anyways, I have been put in hard situations with people who I thought I could trust and people who were supposed to be the ones there for me. I have had to learn to stand up for myself and stop being disrespected. This has not been easy, especially when it comes to family, friends, or even employees, but I refuse to be taken advantage of by one more person. You may think I’m a total bitch or you may think I am a “lost soul” but I can assure you, I am neither. I am exactly who I want to be and I have no problem being myself. I hope my kids develop this same inner strength that I have without all of the heartache and disappointment I have endured. I hope my wisdom will carry on long after I am gone. 

This gut instinct and wisdom came handy with this situation with Chloe. I knew deep down that something was seriously wrong with her. Even after 4 different pediatricians told me she was just fine. I lost so much sleep worrying about her. After so many doctors visits, UTI’s, bowel clean outs, laxative drugs, failure to grow, etc. How can this be normal?! It was not!!!!! I stumbled upon a post on my Miralax group this morning that made my heart sink. I’ve often wondered what her life would’ve been like if I continued to ignore my gut and keep giving her Miralax to make her poop. This post gave me my answer. 

If that doesn’t make your heart sink, then you have no soul. I almost cried for this mom. This is what I would’ve had to deal with if I didn’t stand up for my daughter and say “NO. Something is seriously wrong with her!” I am so thankful for every challenge that has been put my way so I am able to say NO! This is not ok!! People need information about this horrible drug that is taking normal children and making them horrifically ill. I am so thankful I found this group and took the necessary steps to heal her. I feel like I have gained so much by trusting my gut. Never ignore that sick feeling deep inside that tells you something is off. 

I know I never will again. 

Relaxation

Sorry I have not been updating like I usually do. My husband had a couple days off this week and we have taken full advantage of relaxation. We had a lot of paperwork and other tedious things to get done around the house and for the business. So instead of going camping like we originally planned, we just had a mini stay-cation at home. It was so needed. I ended up taking a nap 2 days in a row! Which felt like pure heaven to me. My life has been so hard and stressful that 2 naps mean the world to me. Yes. I am that lame. We also laid around yesterday and watched Homestead Rescue and Planet of the Apes movies. I realize that this seems like no big time to normal people, but with the summer we have had, this felt like a vacation. I even told Darren yesterday that most people get to do what we did every weekend. We laughed. This is literally the first two days in a row all summer that we did not have major things to handle. Every day Darren has had off this summer has been spent taking care of something else. Trucks, trailers, washing machine, tires, etc. And I have been stuck at home with two kids who are stir crazy and hungry. We have been beyond stressed. It was like nervous breakdown status.

Now that Chloe is thriving and doing so much better, our stress level has decreased. Now that we have kind of figured out what to eat and have it all planned out, our stress level is down. I can’t believe it has already been 6 weeks with these changes. We have finally got a hang of this! We have learned all of the hidden gluten words and found our ways around corn and dairy. We plan our meals 4-5 days out and stick to the plan. Connor is missing his garbage food, but the rest of us are doing great with this. I have updated all of my condiments, spices, flours, sugars, and all other baking products. Baking still freaks me out and I suck at it. I feel like that one will be the hardest battle. I have learned how to cook brown rice like nobody’s business and I am a HUGE fan of Avocado Oil. Everyday we are getting Chloe to eat more fruits. This has been a big struggle for us. She is feeling better and looking healthier daily. I ask her every day “Is Chloe feeling good today?” In which she responds “Mommy, I feel SO GOOD! You’re the best!” Then I cry. Not always, but yeah…it happens. I am so relieved to see her happy and healthy. She giggles again! I can’t tell you how long it has been since she has had a giggle fit. I had no idea that healthy food would change her personality so much.

She is talking so much better after getting off Miralax. Her vocabulary was very slurred and was hard to understand. Now, we know what she is saying. She is a smart cookie, we just had no idea what she was saying before. I bought some flashcards at Target a little while ago that have the alphabet, animals, shapes, numbers, and colors on them. We work on them every day and each day she does better. I love having my 2 year old tell me the shape is a hexagon. No, I don’t expect her to be a genius and no I am not trying to brag about my kid- well maybe, but I am just so happy to see her learning!!! She was not doing any of this 2 months ago. She would get mad and tell me to go away if I asked her what a circle was. So this dramatic change has been crazy to me. I have had a lot of parents in my Miralax group whose kids were on Miralax the same amount of time (or more) as Chloe and their long term side effects are frightening. Most of these kids have developed a sensory processing disorder, epilepsy, PANDAS syndrome, learning disabilities, anxiety, OCD, Lyme Disease and so on. These were the most frightening to me. I have to be prepared for the future and if these things are going to happen to Chloe. I have read into the symptoms of all of these so I can be prepared if I start seeing them arise. I will not know most of this until she starts school. I am sickened and worried about the future, but I know she will be ok. I now I am glad that God gave me this challenge. I am going to do whatever I can to heal her and learn how to help her anyway I can.

I sometimes compare my situation to other people and wonder how they would handle it or even IF THEY COULD HANDLE IT. We all compare ourselves to others, don’t kid yourself. I know God gave me this challenge because he knew I could do this. He knew I could take on a kid that is going to have one hell of a hard life. She already has at 2 years old!!! The one thing I have learned the past few months is that I am way stronger than I realized. My best friend has listened to me be frightened, hurt, scared, heart racing at 130 while I stood in my kitchen, she has watched me shake and cry…and basically be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She even told me yesterday that there were multiple days she was worried that today was the day I was going to break. No one knows all of the crap I have been through except her. For her to be honest enough to tell me that is amazing. She didn’t tell me this until she knew I was okay either. Having her support and her honesty to tell me that she thought I was going to break, makes me feel amazing. I feel amazing because I DID NOT BREAK. I did not allow myself to have the pity party I deserved and wallow in my grief. I put my big girl panties on and dealt with the shit pile I was given. This is why I know we will be okay.

God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.

 

 

Potty Training

Life is finally settling down a bit and Chloe is continuing to thrive. I finally got to have a girls night out with my friend Melissa. We had amazing sushi and then went to a bar to meet a friend. I definitely needed a fun night of normal life. Sushi was my first cheat meal in a few weeks and it was amazing!!!! The only gluten was in the shrimp tempura roll (I think) that we had and it was minimal. I did not get sick at all. We ended up ordering 4 different sushi rolls!… I may have been starving. 

Chloe is a completely different child, FOR THE BETTER. Her vocabulary has increased so much and she is getting thicker and happier every day. She has learned all of her shapes and numbers 1-10 in the past 2 weeks. A month ago you could barely understand the words that she was saying, now she is speaking in full sentences, and not repeating herself like she was when she was on Miralax. I am beyond relieved to see the side effects diminish!! I have prayed so hard and lost so much sleep about the long-term effects that this would have on her. I will continue to pray and hope for the best! 

Unfortunately, we are so very far away from potty training. Thankfully she is having bowel movements almost every day and it is not near as scary as it used to be. She has so much fear about going poop that it gives her anxiety and there is no way we can even think about doing it in the toilet. We will get there. Its a long damn marathon. I saw this squatty potty for kids that looks like a motorcycle. We are definitely going to be purchasing it when the time comes. 


Chloe’s birthday is September 18th. I have debated in the past about putting her in school early. Mostly for my own sanity. Now that we are going through all of this, I think it’s going to be a blessing to have her be the oldest kid, not the youngest. She needs the extra time to get better and get ready for school. I’m so grateful that I am on the PTO and will be able to help her with the challenges she will face when it gets time to start kindergarten. And I’m glad I can raise awareness for other parents and kids with food allergies. It’s ridiculous how many kids are allergic to food these days. What in the hell are we eating?!?! I will now be the PTO mom that makes allergy friendly treats for the school, not anymore Oreo Lasagna. Sorry ladies! 

These changes have been hard and we are getting bored with our food. I whipped out my good ol’ gluten free cookbooks yesterday and I’m going to try a couple new recipes this week. Barbecue meatballs tonight and teriyaki chicken wings sometime this week. By the way things are going, I estimate I’m spending around $600 a month on food. Not as bad as I thought. If you think that’s expensive, remember I am feeding 4 people 3 times a day at least. It’s really pretty reasonable. Especially since we no longer order Chinese food or pizza! 

We have all adjusted pretty well to the new diet changes. I still crave a burger every now and again, but knowing how shitty I would feel if I ate it, stops the cravings immediately. Connor hates all of this and I’m afraid when he gets freedom, he’s going to devour junk and get sick. He will learn. We’ve been letting him have ice cream, soda, and donuts when he’s out running errands with Dad. He needs a break too. 

Everything in our lives has changed this summer, but all for the better. 

Cooking

So this might shock some of you, but I used to be a real shitty cook. So shitty in fact that my hubby had to teach me. This is why we are so perfect together. Darren knew from day one that I didn’t cook so he knew what he was getting into. He even took culinary classes and planned on being a chef one day. Turns out he’s a much better entrepreneur, but he’s a damn good cook too. 

I did not learn how to cook until Connor started eating solid foods. The first couple years of our marriage Darren would come home from working 10+ hours and cook dinner for us. All I would do is get out the meat to defrost. Every day for 2 years. Bless his heart for not leaving me. 

When I started to learn, I was horrible. I could not even make Kraft Mac & Cheese taste good. One day I tried to grill up some burgers before Darren came home from work and he couldn’t even eat it because the amount of garlic and onion I added. I cried. I used to get so frustrated at all the work it took to cook and then taste like ass. SO frustrated!! 

So after a lot of mishaps, I slowly watched how Darren did things and he helped me step by step to the point I got really good. 

Before all these gluten changes, I really enjoyed cooking. I’ve hosted parties and would cook for 2 days for it. I’ve cooked Thanksgiving twice, I’ve made the tastiest tailgating side dishes, I’ve made food for the PTO, and everyone asks for my taco dip. 

My knife skills have improved the most. I can chop veggies for days! Baking gluten free anything is still a major challenge for us, but it’s a learning process. 

Darren still cooks quite a bit in our house and that is so helpful! Especially the grilling. I still can not work my way around the damn grill. It’s been quite nice when I am burnt out from cooking and he will take over dinner. He’s the best. 💙