Holy Shit.

I will spare you the extremely gory details, but it happened and it was really, really scary.

Since I have called my pediatrician’s office over 50 times in the last three months, I have officially added them to my favorites on my contact list. That’s when you know that life is not normal anymore.

A big shout out to Kristen at Northwest Clinic for Children who has talked me off the ledge so many times and ALWAYS calls me back within 10-15 minutes every single time I call her. We are on a first name basis at this point.  She’s great. This is also not normal. And please don’t be upset if you call and don’t get the same treatment…it’s been bad people.

So, yesterday I made my third phone call to Kristen this week and explained that Chloe has still not had a bowel movement. She gave me some pointers(every single one of them I had already tried at least two or three times), she told me to give it one more day and if she had not pooped by today, then I needed to take her in for an x-ray to make sure there was no bowel obstruction.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I was so scared. Yesterday was the worst. Finally, she did it. At 8:30 pm.

Darren and I got her(us) cleaned up and comfortable and shared the biggest hug of relief of our entire lives.

This has been HARD.

I feel like now we can finally go back to her diet and get her back to healing. 🙏🏻

Day 15

I officially HATE cooking! 

This is coming from the girl who used to LOVE making foods for parties, football games, any family function or just a new recipe for dinner…

Now….I dread every fuckin meal! 

I just did my 4th load of dishes…today. It has gotten to the point that I hand wash them to avoid the over clutter on the counter. 

I give props to our grandparents! I officially feel like Grandma Vonda. My house smells of bone broth and celery. I’ve made broth 3 times since this change and my house smells like heaven, but I feel like hell. 

I just wish so badly I could order Chinese food or any sort of takeout! This is where this change gets so emotionally tolling! I am worn out. I got so used to easy and convenient meals that this is just pissing me off. I am over cooking. I hate it. 

Someone feed me tacos and tell me I’m pretty. 🌮🌮🌮

Day 14

Today is much better than the last few. Chloe has been playing and acting normal all day minus the fact she still has not pooped. I am so over trying!! I upped her magnesium dose per doctors orders and now we are waiting….tick tock tick tock… 

Today, I looked at my disaster of a house and am back to handling laundry, the monumental amount of dishes, and the daily grind of owning a business while juggling two kids. Connor has been amazing throughout all of this. Props to that boy!!! His needs have been pushed aside over and over again and he has taken it with grace. I feel so bad for both of my kids now. Connor is getting pushed aside when he’s done nothing wrong and Chloe is in pain because she can’t poop. And me? Well, I can’t win at life. Whoever has my voodoo doll and is stabbing the shit out of it, please stop. I am at the end of my rope. Thanks. 

Today I snapped at Darren for buying veggies that weren’t organic and the wrong beef (which isn’t organic, grass fed, no hormones added, etc.) He just bought lean beef. I snapped, made him go back to Sprouts and now I’m sitting here feeling like a psycho bitch who takes things too far. 

I feel like my pendulum has swung too far in the other direction. I have no balance with this right now. I am trying to be the best Celiac Mom ever, but I am sucking as a normal wife and mom. Dammit.

We are having trademark issues with the business(again), our washing machine is on its last leg, medical bills out the wazoo, trailer just broke, health issues with Chloe, major family issues and so, so much more. 

My bestie came over to comfort me the day I got home from the ER, brought me some whiskey and some amazingly motivational bracelets. She knows just what I need. Today I found this note in the bag and it was exactly what I needed to hear today. 

I sat down today to watch a tv show for the first time IN 3 WEEKS only to be interrupted by 4 jobs to book and a mountain of laundry to fold. Damn. One day I will have a normal life again. I hope. One day I will look back at this blog and realize how far we’ve come from the challenges of 2017, but as for today? I am just tying a knot in my rope and hanging on! 

Day 13

Wow! What a ride we have been on! Sorry for the delayed post and delay to all the texts, calls, Facebook messages and so on that I have not responded to. I have been trying to keep Chloe happy, calm, and comfortable while she got over this nasty ass norovirus (which is what both doctors assumed she’s had after I made my 9 a.m. frantic phone calls.) 

I don’t even know where to begin.

We started out thinking it was teething, then the crazy rollercoaster of nastiness which led to the ER, and then we dealt with the fear of sickness of hell that wrecked the family the entire weekend. I had everyone quarantined (and psycho) about this illness that no one tested the boundaries. 

Thank goodness no one else got this crap!! My house has been quarantined with bleach and as many natural products as possible.

Sooo, this shit is about to get real. 

Literally. 

We just started having normal bowel movements for Chloe on Thursday. (After Day 10 of our new diet.) 

The boys were camping, I was on a 10 minute phone call booking a very important job and Chloe went into the other room and pooped all on her own!!! I have never been so excited and proud about about a movement… Ironically, this was first day she started acting sick. 6 hours later. 

Dammit!!!

I have never been so mad at life!!!!! Honestly! 

Life can screw me over 100 times, but the second it starts messing with my kids is when I go psycho. 

After all day Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and now a bit of Monday afternoon….and an intense convo with my awesome Aunt Gina (thank you for talking me off that ledge 😬), I finally came home from a much needed trip to get groceries and to see a happy kiddo! 

Chloe has started eating and drinking regularly….but still no poop. 💩 

Shit.

I am mad. This constipation issue we’ve dealt with for years just got handled!!! 

Even after Castor Oil, a high dose of magnesium citrate, and a suppository today, still no shit. Yep, you read that right. This has been my entire LAST year, if not 2 years!! I don’t talk about it, because why? Why do you tell people your daughter shits bloody stools after holding it in to the point of misery?! You don’t. You don’t fuckin share details. Which is why I AM HERE. 

You wanna share?! Please!!! Share away. This has become normal for me as a mom, if not more. 

I tend to not acknowledge how bad this has been… I am fucking furious that after 2 weeks of myself going gluten free and all of the mountains we have climbed, that she is backed up again. I am furious she got a random illness at the WORST possible time for her (and me!) I am not trying to be selfish, but I am a nervous wreck. This past month has made me question so many life decisions and made me so upset. 

We got this. We have to keep pushing on making changes everyday. No other options. 

We are strong! Chloe and mama are fucking rockstars. 

Day… I can’t even remember…?

I don’t even know where to start. I am writing this post after not even knowing what day it is. I am so exhausted. I’m pretty sure I have had about 3-4 ish hours of sleep in the last 2 days combined. I lost my phone today and found it in the cupboard on a shelf. Yep. 

Chloe ended up in the ER yesterday. Which is something I NEVER do unless my gut instinct starts crawling. After such strange behavior, I knew we had to go. A fever is one thing, vomiting is one thing, but signs of extreme dehydration and beginning of a seizure is when I don’t take chances anymore. 

Dammit. 

When is life going to catch me a break? I’m not trying to be whiny, but fuck! I can’t get ahead. April, May and NOW June have been absolute hell and all I can say is that only 50% of this was Chloe stuff, so that says something. 

Chloe contracted some sort of bacterial infection which caused her severe reactions. Thank God it wasn’t gluten!! The only places I’ve taken her in 2 weeks was Target, Fry’s and that GF restaurant. Not cool. We didn’t have a much better day unfortunately. After all day of trying to withhold meds, I finally gave her some ibuprofen so she would eat some food. Which she did and now she is sleeping for the first time in 12 hours. I am exhausted, scared, anxiety ridden and overall just worn out. I felt so awful making Connor be quarantined to his room with Lysol all day to avoid the bug, but I think it’s paid off. No one else seems sick. (Yet!) 

I made the most amazing homemade chicken noodle soup from my bone broth for dinner and my entire family loved it. It’s so nice to finally have a meal everyone loves and was so healthy! I am trying to find the silver lining in life right now to keep my sanity. 

I am so thankful I have my hubby behind all of my craziness 100% of the time. I can’t imagine being separated or divorced through all of these challenges we face on a daily basis. We can take mountains and make them molehills. We have each other’s backs. I love this. 

I am also so thankful I found a can of spaghettios in the cupboard to feed Connor while Chloe was playing. I needed a convenient meal for the first time in a long damn time and didn’t want to feel bad about it. 

Life is hard sometimes. Pray for Chloe and put good vibes out into the world for this sweet little girl who deserves to catch a break. 🙏🏻

Special thanks to Aunt Bobi for showing up at the hospital to support me. She knows I would’ve never asked her to show up, but she made that whole experience so much better for Chloe and especially me. She is the best. We love you BoBs! 💞 

Day 10.5

Wow, tonight was a conundrum after I posted this last blog!!! I don’t even know where to begin because I feel like I jinxed myself with the prior blog…. I felt like I was on cloud nine!! Chloe was doing amazing and we were total rock stars. Then my buddy Melissa came over to keep me company and Chloe all of a sudden started acting like she was sick. Instantaneous fever and we started to freak out together. The boys are still camping so we had to deal with this alone. After her first lukewarm bath, I immediately texted Kelly and asked for her expert advice. She was the person that told me to go to the doctor and do the testing that I did. I have always trusted her advice and her opinion. If you know Kelly, then you completely understand why I am saying this because she is probably one of the most amazing humans I have ever met. I will forever be grateful for meeting her and her motivating me to take the giant leap that I have in the health changes for Chloe. 
By the way, Kelly talked me off the ledge I was on and all of the crazy tears I was pouring down my face. She actually made me realize that my daughter is 2.5 years old and might be cutting molars! Which is exactly what the case was, not a gluten allergy. I am officially psycho. Yet again. 

I love you Kelly. Thank you for YOU! 

Day 10

I am back to being frustrated today. I was so damn thrilled last night when she ate a giant bowl of spaghetti. I included some bone broth into the sauce as well. I felt like I was super woman who had finally got over a giant hurdle!! 
Then there is this morning fighting over cereal and banana pancakes. 😡 I am not sure if this is going to be a roller coaster every other day or not! 

Shout out to Julia Jacks for recommending these pancakes! They were amazing! 2 bananas, 4 brown eggs and a dash of cinnamon and coconut oil. Delish! 

Last night at 10:30 PM Chloe was running around the house holding her tummy and saying “Mommy, my tummy feels so good!” I have never been so happy in my entire life! I immediately texted Darren and jumped for joy! This was such a monumental occasion for our family. I am not sure if I have ever heard those words out of her mouth….Then here we are this morning being grumpy and picky again. 

My best suggestion if you have a small child like myself with a gluten intolerance especially, is to find some creativity! Distract them from the foods!! Last night I had to pretend I was the cat from Bolt and she was Bolt. The cat (mom) was trying to feed Bolt (Chloe) so she could chase the bad guys. Yep, we are that weird!! But it worked!! Today, I had to climb inside of her princess tent and feed the “princess” in her chambers to get her to eat the pancakes. At this point I don’t even care about the weird places and scenarios of our meals, I am just like whatever girlfriend, you are eating!! 

On a side note: because Chloe cannot tell me fully what is changing inside of her body and I can only notice so much… I have made these changes for myself as a personal project and example for her. 

I will post some pictures once I hit an entire 30 days of GF, but the changes in my body are already monumental! I am down 10 pounds and who knows how many inches. Today, I put on a pair of shorts that I have not worn since before I was pregnant with Chloe. I can’t make this shit up!!!! Ask any of my friends that have seen me in the last 10 days and they will tell you that they have noticed a difference in my overall appearance. My skin is not red or inflamed and I am not bloated or swollen anymore. I feel more mentally clear and alert. I’m remembering the 9 million things on my daily to do list and my energy is impeccable!! I’ve almost quit coffee completely. THIS IS DAY 10!!!! Yes, I have been craving gluten filled carbs, but I haven’t been extremely hungry because I have been filling my body full of so many nutrients. I haven’t counted one single calorie or even paid attention to how many calories I am consuming, but every single day I get on the scale and it is lower than the day before.  

I’m sold.

Day 9

After smelling bone broth all day, I got hungry and poured myself a bowl of the mush. I needed to add way more water, but I felt like Drew Barrymore in Santa Clarita Diet. I devoured that shit! It was so strange! A month ago I would’ve barfed at this. I remember reading an article a lifetime ago about (Tomb Raider chick) Mila Jovovich craving bone marrow while she was pregnant and thinking that was the most disgusting thing ever. Who craves that?! Here I am, however many years later sharing a bowl of bone marrow mush with my daughter and almost crying tears of joy after she eats 4 bites of it because I know how badly she needs the nutrients. I’m fucking desperate. And hungry. Bone marrow is delicious and I might be the cast in the next Twilight movie.
I’ve been sucking on apple cider vinegar soaked cucumbers (healthier pickles) and Chloe has slowly ate random bites of super healthy food all day. I will take it. Every day gets easier. 

We took a field trip to Jewel’s bakery for lunch today. Mostly to take a break from cooking and get out of the house. Then, we needed some retail therapy and went to Target. That store is as addicting as gluten. Clothes, shoes, barbies and even found some healthy food there too. 🛍 

We miss the boys. They are having a blast and a much needed break. 

I really am missing tacos right now too. 

Day 8

Today is the first day since the diagnosis that I finally feel like I can breathe. This week has been one of the hardest of my life. I had no idea how hard it would be to cut all of this stuff out of our lives. Especially gluten. I had no idea how many things contained this crap.

So my hubby had a small day of work today and decided to take his only immediate days off to take my 7 year old son camping and rzr riding for 2 nights. This was such a life saver for our family right now! It has been so hard juggling all of this by myself while he has worked so much. BTW!!! I love him so hard!!! His work ethic is by far the MOST attractive thing about him.  I love him so hard that I CAN NOT complain, especially with how freakin hard he kills himself daily. But, I am tired too. This break for the boys to enjoy crap food and have fun without any restrictions is so necessary for them right now.  I feel so bad for being such a hag who is hangry for carbs, I hope they have a freakin’ blast while Chloe and I are choking down bone broth and salad. Seriously, I hope they have so much damn fun!

Johnny, my male BFF came over to keep me company for awhile and we had such a good time. He is the Godfather to Connor and Chloe and such an amazing influence in their lives. Good humans make for a good tribe.

 

 

Day 7

So today has been much, much better than yesterday. I was so hangry last night!! I miss my gluten filled carbs!!! 

Chloe slept great last night and when she woke up, she looked like she grew! Her cheeks were rosy and full and she even felt heavier! This poor girl is almost 3, looks like she is barely 2, and only weighs 26 pounds. Every single check up since 18 months I have mentioned her small size and her percentiles declining, but no one seemed to be worried. I brushed it off and just thought I would have a small kid with a high metabolism. Well, she has not been growing because her body has been fighting her food instead of absorbing the nutrition. Why was I the only one to raise concern?!?! I am so mad it took this long to have answers, but so damn relieved to see a change for the positive. She’s been lovey dovey to everyone and I’m so glad she is! For the first time in 2 years when I asked her if her belly hurt, she said NO!!!! I could’ve cried from relief. 

She has been very picky with food today and that’s been irritating because I know how badly her body needs nutritionally dense food and she scoffs at the really good stuff. I could pull my hair out. It’s beyond difficult explaining to a 2 year old why she has to eat this stuff now. I am hoping it gets easier every day. 

I bought 2 whole chickens at sprouts today to cook for dinner and am planning on making bone broth with the carcasses tomorrow and eventually a chicken noodle soup. It’s quite funny to me that a week ago, I was absolutely clueless to this stuff and tomorrow I will be making my own bone broth. If I can change this much, anyone can.