May 31, 2017
Since this is the first day of a very long journey for my family and myself, I figured I would document all of the sacrifices, downfalls, setbacks and everything else I am going to learn along the way.
This journey all started with my sweet little daughter, Chloe. If you know Chloe, then you know this girl is something special and that has nothing to do with Celiac. This girl is a spitfire with a personality of gold. You would never guess that this kid was sick by looking at her. She puts a smile on her face and deals with the day like a boss. However, all day long for 2+ years, her tummy has hurt. We have tried it all until we finally decided to take the bull by the horn and finally do some food allergy testing.
This is where shit got crazy. Disclaimer* If you are offended by my vulgarity, then I suggest you quit reading this blog now. I have a foul mouth and this situation is a perfect reason to practice my cussing, so deal or not.*
Anyways, we go to a new doctor and find out the severity of her intolerances. And by intolerances, I MEAN SEVERE INTOLERANCES! This kid is damn near allergic to everything I have been feeding her! Talk about major mom guilt! A month ago, she was living on chicken nuggets, cereal, mac and cheese with a scoop full of miralax to keep her “regular.” This was totally ok by the 4 different pediatricians in which I took their advice with stride.
This advice was total horse shit. This advice only made my daughter sicker and sicker. I have never been so against the common medical practice as I am right now.
So after doing a lot of online research, finding a support group for Parents Against Miralax, (this whole miralax poison will have to be another blog as there is so much to that alone), reaching out to friends with similar intolerances, and making my own assumptions finally led me in the right direction. There is a quote that says “A Concerned Mom will do more research than the FBI” and I could not agree more with this. If your kid is sick and doctors are not fixing it, you find your own ways. I have never been so happy I did.
Technology today is such a lifesaver for Celiac! I have found so many useful resources from my other Celiac friends and just looking online. I ordered 5 different books from Amazon today. I have found blogs, recipe pages, restaurants near me and all other helpful tools to get us started on this journey! I am nervous for this gigantic change that will happen to all 4 of us, but I am also excited to see the health benefits in Chloe and the rest of us as well! Everyone can benefit from going gluten free. In fact, it’s probably the best thing you could do for yourself. Do some research and see for yourself.
DAY ONE OF RESEARCH.
HOLY MOTHER FUCKIN SHIT. I AM SCARRRREED! This is coming from the girl who has only eaten healthy in her life to lose weight. Ever. This is coming from the girl who drinks whiskey for dinner and has Taco Bell for breakfast. Let’s face it, I am no poster parent for a kid with Celiac. I am scared shitless! Gluten is in everything! On top of that, my daughter has a corn and dairy intolerance which is making this whole situation 500 times worse! Ok, not really, but I exaggerate a lot and I am stressed. Deal with it.
Did you know gluten is in shampoos and hand soaps? Did you know gluten is in basically fucking everything?! I am going through my pantry tonight and almost in tears. This is going to be rough to say the least. How am I going to replace everything in this fully stocked pantry without sickening her anymore and without breaking the bank in an additional food bill for a family of four???
These are the challenges of day ONE! I can only imagine what the days to come are like…
WWWWWOOOOOOOOWWWW I have no idea how we are going to live our lives this way! I have no clue how to do this! I just barely learned how to cook a decent meal like a year ago and now I have to relearn all of my cooking skills? I spent so much time at Trader Joe’s and Sprouts today walking around like an idiot. I felt like an idiot. If you don’t like to indulge yourself into a pile of books like myself, then go to Netflix and watch the “What’s with Wheat” documentary. It is mind blowing and growing up in Idaho, it makes sense even more.
I have had a lot of mom guilt the last few days. I keep going over what I could have done differently and how I could have prevented this. I think back to my horrific pregnancy and the IBS I experienced 2nd trimester or even worse…..the appendicitis at 32 weeks pregnant. That for sure caused some problems for poor Chloe. I did my best by not going under anesthesia for the 2 hour surgery and by taking as little meds as possible after, but the amount of antibiotics she was exposed to in utero makes me cringe. I think back to what I could have ate differently or if I should have breastfed longer. All of these scenarios make me crazy. I feel like shit. I just want my baby healthy and my family back to normal. On top of the Chloe mom guilt, I feel like I am a terrible mom to Connor. EVERYTHING is revolving around Chloe and her food lately. I find myself shooing Connor to his room to eat the crap food I still have left in the cupboard knowing this is not normal or healthy. Ugh! I hate this transition so much!
This has been a rollercoaster to say the least. I have had good meals, bad meals, kids (hubby) who cry over their food, mom tears from stress and so much more. However, I do feel more educated about food than I ever have been. I went through to pantry today and made my bestie come over and take all the junk from us. There were only 7 GROCERY BAGS FULL OF CRAP!!! Yes, that’s right, I sent her home with that much bad food in my cupboards. Disgusting.
I am hoping every day gets better and she (we) will adjust to this new lifestyle. I can already tell she is feeling a bit better. She is pooping more so that tells me something is changing for the better. I feel like I am going through a bit of a gluten detox myself. My muscles hurt, I have had a mega headache and I just feel weird. I know this is for the better for us all, but wow. Wow. Mind blown. Once you open your eyes to this, your life changes. No way around it.
It seems like Chloe is still detoxing a bit. She is sleeping like crazy, acting a bit sick and sweats a lot while she sleeps. It’s hard to watch, but I know this is what she needs right now. I feel like my detox is almost over. I can already tell how much more energy I have. I haven’t worked out all week due to the magnitude of this situation and I am down 5 pounds of pure inflammation I believe? My fingers have been so swollen for so long that I haven’t been able to wear my wedding ring in 2 years. Today it slid right on. That is crazy to me!
The muscle aches and headache went away last night after a few shots of whiskey. Judge me all you want. I really don’t care, I am long past the days of worrying about what others think of me. I have way too much on my plate to worry about your judgment. Plus, Jameson is gluten free. BOOM.
In fact, I am going to go off on a tangent while I am on the subject of judgment. Screw people. Screw everyone in your life that brings you down or makes you feel shitty. Life is too short to second guess yourself or worry if you will ever be enough. Find your tribe and stick with them. That is the best advice I can give you. Money doesn’t matter at all to me. Character, compassion, humanity, decency, honesty, and the overall ability to empathize with people are what draws my soul to MY humans and MY tribe. This celiac situation has brought so many wonderful people to my corner. My phone is full of texts, facebook messages, Instagram messages, blogs, etc. These ladies have been life savers and I am pretty sure you will all read this, SO THANK YOU SO MUCH, ALL OF YOU! I could not have started this journey without help. Ironically, I am the person that NEVER asks for help and I have been asking for it a lot lately. Funny how that works, right? I am going through such a strange time in my life and I know God has put all the right people and tools in my path and I will forever be grateful for that. I am also grateful for my strength to be able to stand up for myself and walk away from toxins in my life. Toxic people. Toxic food. Toxic everything. Once you rid your life of toxins, everything seems to flow better. Try it. I will be here if you want to take this leap.